I’ve been hearing a lot of women complain about the fact that men can have one night stands and not be thought of any different, but when women do it they get labeled as loose, or as hoes. It’s always the same criticism, why can’t we do it with no problem, why the double standard, blah, blah, blah?
I’m not going out on a limb here when I say the women who are angry about this double standard have to be loose and feel as if they are hoes by the standard of what people think are hoes.
This one has always been strange to me because it’s basically saying; I want to be able to have sex with anybody, anytime, and with as many people as I want, and I want you to not care about it and treat me like men are treated when doing this same thing. Fair enough, but what you all fail to realize is that just because you think things “should be” a certain way means nothing in the grand scheme of things.
You are trying to convince 100% of men to think the way you want them to think and that’s not going to happen, ever! You may get a small percentage to say it’s cool to have sex with a bunch of dudes and they may treat you the same, but the vast majority are not going to do it.
Well there are a few reasons:
1) The average man has been hardwired since birth to believe that a woman that’s worth marrying is a woman of high moral values. Those values include but are not limited to; being as close to a virgin as possible, able to navigate a kitchen, and it’s a bonus if you can cook like his mother, and being a good mother to her children, to name a few, some men can add more to this list, but you get the picture.
2) The average Black man is way more conservative than he puts on, at least with his woman or with someone he thinks is marriage material. If your man let’s you dress like a slut, then more than likely, he’s not going to marry you. He’ll continue to have sex with you but marriage may not happen. The reason for this is that, as the old adage goes, “we want a freak in the bed but a lady in the streets”, and we don’t want people thinking the woman that we call our girlfriend or future wife is a hoe. Everyman out there frets the day they hear the words of Pusha T on Kanye West Good Fridays free album. “What, that’s the chick you gave a wedding ring, me and my niggas nutted on her everything”.
3) A lot of men lack confidence in the bedroom, although they won’t admit it, they do, and they know that a woman is only as good as her best orgasm. Why do you think they have all these pills that help with size and performance in the bedroom? So the more men that she has been with, the greater chance that some other dude has made her orgasm so hard she got up and cooked him breakfast at 3 AM in the morning. So if you’ve had more sexual partners than he’s had, his confidence level will be so low when it comes down to you it’s going to mess the relationship up.
These are a few of the reasons for men to think the way they think about your sexual proclivities and there are others, but the 3 mentioned above are the main ones that can destroy a relationship quite quickly.
The older a man gets, the more likely he is to accept your early years of sewing your oats, as he’s probably ready to settle down. But if you all grew up around each other and he knows how you used to be, then there will still be problems later on down the line. Like when you want to hang out with the girls, he’ll probably let you go but in the back of his mind he’s thinking she might be up to your old ways again, and you know what happens after that, the argument.
So if you think you can sex the city then settle down, you have another thing coming. The only way it will work is if you move to another city/state or the person that you meet knows nothing about your past. I know, in the interest of full disclosure you might think that you shouldn’t have to hide your past, but trust me, in this instance you do.
Look this isn’t 100% but it’s probably around 85%. So in essence, you are competing for 15% of the eligible men on the dating scene who will be willing and able to overlook your past ways. (Always remember, you’re competing with 100% of women that are looking for a significant other.) The other 85 will still have sex with you and act as if they are cool with it, but they’ll crash and burn as soon as the relationship starts getting too serious. They’ll find ways to break it off because they don’t want to be the dude that married the bustdown, the runner (urban names for a hoe), etc.
But at the end of the day, do you, if you want to be as promiscuous as your male counterpart, so be it. Just don’t let the dude that you want to settle down with know about it, because you only have about a 15% chance of finding the man that’s okay with it, but more than likely you’ll find one of the 85% and that means no settling down.